im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
