There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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