If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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