I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So apparently I’m into choking now
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
