Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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