the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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