So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
