Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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