what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
