I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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