I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
