We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's a Shit stain on my heart
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
