the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
