okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
