You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
