idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
