this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
