I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
literally had 100 drinks last night.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
