your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
