this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
