im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
