I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
