just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
