Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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