Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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