Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
