You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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