Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
