I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
