I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
