Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
