Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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