Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
