It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
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I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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