your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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