is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
