i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
