They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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