I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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