Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize