You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
