carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
