woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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