We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
