Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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