I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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