So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
