Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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