I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
