my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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