I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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