yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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