Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
