how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
