just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
