I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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