I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
