I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
