Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
