sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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