please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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