Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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