I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize