im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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