...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
