The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
