yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
