is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize