no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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