Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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