You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
