To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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