Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
