When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
