You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
