So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Also, beer. Big fan.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Damn victory sex feels great
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
