You don't have asthma, your pregnant
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
